I Hate The Backpack

Logan Stanford/Icon Sportswire

For those of you who have been living under a rock recently, FSU football unveiled its new “securing the bag” turnover backpack this past Saturday against Samford. It’s a designer bag that retails around $500 and is meant to be a symbol of celebration and a reward for a defensive player who creates a turnover. The guy who makes the play gets to run around the sidelines with it and hype up the crowd until the next defensive shift. It’s supposed to be a big-time morale generator. If all of this is sounding familiar, well, it should. Because it’s a direct rip-off of Miami’s infamous “turnover chain” that they popularized last season.

Now, I could go on for days and days about how weak of a move it is to jack a tradition from our most hated rival. But hey, if the players want something to celebrate defensive takeaways with, then who am I to stop them? I don’t contribute anything. I’m just some guy who likes to watch. BUT, what I will criticize is the choice of object. A backpack?! A backpack. Really? It couldn’t have been something awesome like an electric guitar or a live falcon? Do you know what a backpack is? School supplies. Do you know who likes school supplies? Nerds! And I’ll be darned if I’m going to sit here and watch a team full of geeks! Here’s another idea; How about a “turnover tomahawk”? Imagine a star player makes game-clinching pick-six and immediately rushes to the sideline and starts flailing around one of those Native American war hammers? How sweet would that be!?! It could even be on fire! If there was a top 50 list for potential sideline hype props, a backpack would be my exact last choice right behind scissors and a box of Kleenex tissues.

With all that being said, the thing that makes me cringe most about the turnover backpack is just how corny it is for recruiting. If you think for a second that opposing head coaches aren’t talking to recruits trying to paint it as a dumb idea then you’re completely kidding yourself. I can see it right now. “Hey what’s up, 17-year-old high school cyborg. I’m Nick Saban. Get a load of that dumbass backpack over in Tallahassee! Ha! What a bunch of dorks!” Seriously, if it were any cornier around here I’d think I was in Nebraska… or a movie theatre… or anywhere where corn is prevalent. You get the idea.

The backpack is bad. It’s goofy. It’s a copycat move. It gives ammunition to every other fanbase in the country who wants to make fun of us. MAYBE it would work if the team was performing a little better, but the silly sideline prop combined with a stunning ineptitude on the field results in something that we all would prefer to forget.

My criticism comes from a place of love. I’m not any less of a fan because I disapprove of this one move. In fact, I would argue that it takes an even bigger fan to be honest about when something is stupid instead of being apathetic. It would be easy to shrug it off.

You might disagree with me and that’s fine. Maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe I’m just a grumpy old man’s mind in the body of a 22-year-old. Maybe I should just shut up and cherish the fact that our `Noles are playing football again. At the end of the day, it’s just a backpack. I really need to just chill out.

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